What are the 3 most important things in a marriage
The art of marriage is typically thought of to be exactly that —
an art form.
With numerous variables and the complexity of human emotion on
full display, marriage has long held a reputation as something to be examined
with wonder and fear often reserved for the paintings of Jackson Pollock.
Though they may seem identifiably similar on the surface level, no two people
are the same, making the union of two souls a delicate game.
But what if that “game” was less complicated than its reputation
lets on? Maybe marriage really is more of a science, not an art. That seems to
be the implication of a new study published by Cornell University.
According to the
study, recent research into “happy marriages” shows that, despite the countless
variables that certainly exist in every relationship, there seems to be a few
identifiable traits found in most successful marriages. The press release
for the study goes so far as to claim a “formula” for success when it
comes to marriage.
To better understand this “formula,” researchers
surveyed close to 400 Americans who had been involved in a romantic union for
30 years or more. All participants were Americans age 65 or older. The
researchers inquired into what makes a relationship last, and compiled the
answers to form the Cornell Marriage Advice Project.
From that research three major themes emerged:
communication, knowledge and commitment.
Communication
According to the researchers, communication is
key to making any relationship last. The majority of those surveyed said they
believed “most marital problems can be solved through open communication, and
conversely many whose marriages dissolved blamed lack of communication.”
As I wrote in February, good communication can
go a long way in calming the waters of arguments that naturally arise
during any relationship.
“Keep yapping at one
another,” one responded reportedly told the researchers. “If you can’t
communicate, you’re just two dead ducks.”
Knowledge
Knowledge plays many important roles in
marriage. Understanding what lies ahead for you and your partner is vital to
charting a successful life together, for example. But one of the most important
types of knowledge, according to the survey, is an intimate understanding of
the person you’ll be marrying. How they think, what they love and what they
want from life can all be make-or-break issues for compatibility. That’s why
it’s so important to know exactly who you’re marrying.
Those looking for a successful marriage should
“wait to marry until they have gotten to know their partner well and have a
number of shared experiences,” the researchers said, summarizing the responses.
“Their strongest recommendation is to marry
someone who is generally similar to you,” they explained elsewhere.
“Marriage is difficult for anyone, but it’s much easier with someone who shares
your interests, background and orientation.”
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